In two previous posts, I shared ways to help your team move beyond conflict and ways to focus your attention for better conflict resolution. Today, I’m turning my attention to coaching approaches you can use to encourage your team to behave in ways that lead to reducing the number of conflicts you experience and to resolving them more quickly when they happen.
If your team has a history of unresolved conflict situations, you won’t likely correct the problem with a single conversation. You will need to set the course for a better future state in your team by modeling the behaviors you want to see and then coaching your team members to model them as well.
Here are the six specific coaching points you can use to help your team move from conflict to resolution…
Clearly identify what is and is not appropriate behavior.
Workplace conflicts can generally be traced to a specific behavior or set of behaviors by one person that somehow negatively impacted someone else. The negative impact could be either real or perceived, and it doesn’t really matter if it was a real negative or merely a perceived one.
It’s difficult, if not impossible, to coach people on perception and feelings. It is possible to coach them on behaviors, and that’s where I suggest you keep your focus.
If your team has a history of demonstrating conflict escalating behaviors, start your coaching efforts by identifying specific actions, inactions, and word choices that contribute to the rising conflict. Also identify examples of actions, inactions, and word choices that you notice turn the conflict towards resolution.
Communicate your expectations to your team.
Armed with knowledge of what helps and hurts the conflict situations in your environment, let people know what is and is not acceptable behavior from this point forward. Let them know how you expect them to act towards and interact with each other.
How you communicate your expectations will depend on the specific situation in your team. In some cases, you can do a group meeting to convey your vision of how the team will interact in the future. In almost all situations, you will need to have at least some one-on-one conversations about the new expectations.
Work with your team members to identify behavioral norms that build trust and reduce conflict.
Ideally, your communication of expectations will be more conversation and less message delivery. If at all possible, work to engage your team members in a conversation about what helps and hurts the interactions within your team. Engage them in discussion about how the team can interact to move past historical conflicts. Keep your focus on the future and invite them to do the same. Ask them to help you solve the conflict situation in productive ways that unify and build the team.
Recognize and reward the behaviors you want to see in your team.
After you have agreed on a new set of behavioral norms for the team, be on the lookout for examples of team members exhibiting the new interaction behaviors and living up to the stated team aspirations. Thank people for demonstrating conflict resolution behaviors. Notice it. Make it obvious that you are watching, and keep your attention on positive examples as much as you possibly can.
Let people know when their behaviors do not meet minimum expectations.
When team members fail to behave in accordance with the team norms, let them know. While it is generally better to highlight and encourage the behaviors you want to see rather than try to punish away the behaviors you don’t want to see, you do need to be willing to confront unacceptable behaviors when you see them.
Except for very rare situations, this conversation should happen in private. It does need to happen if you see people behaving in ways that foster conflict rather than resolve it.
Teach and encourage your team to resolve their own conflicts rather than bring them to you.
In an ideal world, leaders would rarely get involved in the conflicts between their team members. In reality, it’s going to happen.
When you do get involved, resist the temptation to impose a resolution plan or to act like a judge to determine who is right and who is wrong. Instead, encourage the two conflicting parties to resolve the conflict for themselves with your support and guidance. In the process, you will teach them conflict resolution skills that enable them to resolve future conflicts without your involvement.
Sadly, some teams are so badly damaged that historical conflicts might not get resolved. However, that is not usually the case. In most situations, even many situations that initially look hopeless, you can turn the tide and help your team move forward.
Maintain a hopeful perspective. Keep your focus on where you want the team to go. Model the behaviors you want to see in your team, and coach your team members to model those behaviors as well. If you do these things and stay committed to a positive outcome, you can help your team move from conflict to resolution.
Check out these resources for even more specific tips for implementing these ideas:
- Dealing with the Big “C”
- Keeping Your Cool When the Conversation Gets Hot
- The Toxic Workplace
- Accountability Conversations
Thanks, Guy!
Reminds me of the importance of investing time up front in Team Guiding Principles or Ground Rules. The beauty is the team decides what they will agree to, meaning the team has the right to hold each other accountable for those expected conduct behaviors, which should include things such as how they will handle conflict, decision-making, communication, and team meetings.
Hi Debbie,
Great point! It really is better to work with your team to have them define guiding principles and ground rules rather than dictate them as the leader. The goal is to build a team that works well without the leader being forced to directly intervene when team members have challenges. The team that can resolve their own conflicts and hold each other accountable is much better off than the team that depends entirely on the leader to “fix” these issue. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. They add richness and depth to the conversation.