“If you ask men why they succeeded, men attribute that success to themselves; and women, they attribute it to other factors like working harder, help from others. Ask a woman why she did well on something, and she’ll say, ‘I got lucky. All of these great people helped me. I worked really hard.’ Ask a man and he’ll say or think, ‘What a dumb question. I’m awesome.’”
Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg
Barnard College commencement keynote
May 16, 2011
As the leader of a team, you need to balance giving staff members credit for their hard work and not dismissing your own role. You can do that by discussing how everyone contributed to the success.
For example, if your team beat its sales goals, you could say: “I coached each salesperson individually, and then set new goals for them. Steve increased his new customers by 5%, Sandy raised the average sale amount by 10% and Terry already is seeing an increase in repeat business.”
When I listened to Sandberg’s remarks years ago, it reminded me of a class I attended years ago on management skills for women. The trainer for that class also talked about how women had difficulty accepting even the most minor praise. If someone says “Nice dress!” we might rush to say “I bought it on sale,” which is like saying “I’m not worth full price.”
For women who struggled to accept praise, she urged them to at least stop undermining it with further comments. If nothing else, she advised “Say ‘Thank you’ and shut up.”
How do you handle praise without bragging or dismissing your role?
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